well life's been kinda...bad. i really need something in my life. something great. something i can look foward to doing or speaking to someone or even if it's just spending time doing it. shit it could even be taking up smoking pot or some shit like that. i just need something. or maybe it's just a new crush. thats what i need i need a guy.........ugh....a new guy in my life would be great
Anyways so yeah. today was ok compared to other days it was freaking boring. and i think my brother or my mother is home so i might be ending this alittle shorter than i want to.
My National Honor Society thang is going great.....cept for the 4 unexcused abstences that i have on 2 of the days....UGH!...thats the only thing holding me back. me and my mother made this awesome essay and it's freaking good. well compared to some of my other essays i've done in the past. the essay was done for nothing. i really hope my dad will just lie like he said he will do tomorrow and say i had a consulors thingy i had to go to....*sigh* i really need to clear my life and start over. maybe thats what i need to do...i wish you could go back in time or maybe just freeze it enough so people can forget about some of the things i've done or anything.
Yesterday was really bad. i felt horrible and like 3 people made me feel even worse. they kept saying all this shit i shouldn't have done with hamster and i'm just like..."c'mon already it just wasn't meant to be!......" i felt really bad. i mean we weren't. i think i friendship had moore communication than the b/f and g/f thing we had going on....man i talked to steven more than i did with hamster!...ugh i'm tired of it all. and every night i lie in bed there's only one boy that comes to my head. (woah that rythmed) anyways it's cwazy it's been about a month and a half and i still can't get him out....i really miss him. i can't believe i let it go so easily...i shouldn't have, he was sush a good everything. listened, conservsationalist, kisser, hugger, everything. i wish i could just speak with him once. i think i've tried but he's never answered my im's i send him...i wish he would read this.
So right now i'm talking with paulie over here, and i told him i would fit him into my journal to make him feel important, hes the chief photographer for our school yearbook and he takes really good pictures of sports, so i'm proud of the guy. i realize i've been friends with paul since elementary. man thats so awesome i can't believe that actually. i've grown away from so many of my friends it's not even crazy.
Oh so i was talking to a few people afterschool yesterday, and they think i'm gonna get "most changed" for senior year...i mean everyone tells me i used to be the biggest bitch in the whole wide world!!!!.....which is really bad. made me feel like i needed to be slapped in the face or something. so anyone of you who's see my bitchy side now...that's how i was when i was in middle school all the way thru my freshman year....i can't even believe that. i think what made me change was when i came to live with my dad...i mean people who really know me don't you think so...it was basically my sophomore year that i changed right?!....i need to go...do something else. maybe just sit and stare at the screen for a while and hope this guy i miss will talk with me... :( ...
( here's a song that absolutly makes me cry...Collapse )